People fall in love. Feel blissful, ecstatic and on top of the world. We welcome any new positive change in our life which helps break the monotony in our life with lot of excitement and expectations. We appreciate new happenings around us. We just can’t wait to treat this new change in our life as our ultimate destiny.
“I have been waiting for my prince charming from so long. Now I just can’t let him go. He is mine forever.” This is just one example of how our mind perceives love. Our mind grows possessive about our love. Start considering it as our own. This is fine by the way. Quite natural. Many of you will think that this is how any emotionally sensitive person would think. But the real problem arises when we fall so blindly in love that we forget our true identity and surrender our destiny at the mercy of another person. Love is ours but another person is a free soul. We can’t captivate or direct another person’s feelings or actions. We can’t expect another person to reciprocate exactly the same as what we want.
Just to remind all of you, this love which I am talking about is one of the purest kind. Not the immature teenage love or lust. This is the love between a husband and a wife or between any two lovers. So when you get the context right I would like you to know what mistakes do we often make when we fall in love.
Possessiveness. I start to think that he is mine and he is attached only with me. But that’s not true. He got many more strings attached to him before I fell in love with him. This is where we can go wrong. He would never say that but he would love to be chased for attention. The more you try to possess him, the more he would make you his captive. He would start to dominate enough to hurt your emotions. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me, but probably he would start to take me for granted.
Expectations. I would expect him to care for me like a perfect husband, shower romantic surprises like a perfect lover or support and hear me out like a perfect friend. But it’s difficult for a single person to play all the roles. It is too much to expect out of your partner. Let him be who he is and free him up from the weight of your expectations.
Change. Don’t change yourself for him. Change to learn good things but not at the cost of being a submissive. You would have heard it several times but still you would probably ignore this. You like his company, his talks, you start to like his interests. But then you forget about your own interests, your own company. Do take out alone time to spend with yourself. Spend quality time with your old friends and your family. Don’t give up your hobbies, your interests, your career goals or your friends. Continue to set new individual goals in your life and most importantly don’t lose your identity. He loved you for who you are. If you yourself forget your true identity then how can you expect him to love you the same way he did at the first place.
Don’t fall but rise in love. Feel good about yourself, love makes you a better person. Never lose your identity and don’t ignore yourself in the process of loving someone so deeply that you forget to take out time for yourself. Keep growing as an individual. Consider your spouse/lover as a co-passenger in the journey of life but not as your destination.
Love is a beautiful feeling which makes you do crazy things. You are lucky if you fall in true love. But better to rise than fall in love.
– Sakshi Jain